The Joy of Online Classes

I adore online classes: I can work on what I want to, when I want to, where I want to. If I am having a night of insomnia, I can submit my paper at 3:00 A.M. and it is fine and dandy. I can work in my jammies. I do not have to make the 45 minute commute to class. I do not have to talk to people. Wait, strike that. Actually, I kind of do have to talk to people because of the wonderful invention of the discussion board.

For the most part, I do not mind creating postings for the discussion boards. I read, I respond. Simple. But the rage these days is interaction, so it will not suffice to simply post my own response. Instead, I must respond to the words of others. No big deal, right? But what happens when the others present responses that are nonsensical, overly pedantic, or just plain ridiculous? Do I repeatedly call them on it? Do I give a lackluster response and pat myself on the back for managing it? Do I just shake my head and die a little more inside? (Or do I create a combination of the above?)

Yes, it is the opinions that make a "discussion," but as the saying goes, "Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one." Sure, maybe I find the diamond in the rough, the one opinion that actually has been backed by true thought and examples, but most of my time is spent slogging through mounds of bullshit that could have been penned by the children in the class I teach. No more, I cry, no more!


ETA: I wrote the above last night. Today I sit down to write my discussion post and found that in fact I *do* mind creating discussion posts because they seem so contrived. Find question number X on page Z and answer it. Vedy, vedy tedious, methinks.

Quote of the Night

"What we really really need is more empathy. What we have instead is everyone with their own web page, and everyone feeling alone. No one remembers that everyone else is feeling and thinking and just trying to make it through like they are."

Thanks, Ann.

And Thus It *Really* Begins

Although my online class was scheduled to begin last Monday, the course site was not actually up and running until Friday. Fine.

Then there were slightly confusing directions about texts, groups, and whatnot sent by my professor over the course of the week. Fine.

Then, come to find out, there was a snafu with the bookstore and they had stocked the old edition of the textbook while I had bought the newest edition and that in the case the editions really do not match. Since I cannot make it to the bookstore, I have ordered the old edition but it has not yet arrived. Grrrr.

May I just say that in early August I will no longer have to concern myself about finding texts, finding supplies, find this / finding that, student loans (except repayment of said loans), misc payments, being bounced from department to department to find an answer, etc?

And might I also add that I will be GLAD. Glad, glad, glad, glad, GLAD. Ecstatic, even.

Not that you can tell or anything. Nooooo. Of course not.

Favorite Hymn #1

This is a haunting song, one that invariably makes me cry every time I hear it. It is also one that I have picked to be sung at my funeral when I die*, for I hope that it will lift the spirits of those who attend. I believe that is one of the best parting gifts I can leave, to give people a little hope in their journey in life. More on this later.


*No, not any time soon.

To the Stress! (And Finding Employment)

The week is over. Thank God.

I came home today, checked into my online class (which is finally operational after a week of being down), and then promptly fell asleep for two hours and had a dream where I was getting the s*** kicked out of me. I wake up to find that (thankfully) I indeed did not have any physical injuries but still felt like crud. Then I had a long-winded panic attack.


The job situation is getting to me. I call places or send off my resume only to have people give me the runaround.

Example:


"Hello, I saw that your school had listed a vacancy for next year and I would like to confirm it is still available."

"Well, we are always taking resumes."

"So the position is no longer available?"

"Actually, I believe that the principal is looking through resumes this week and is starting to schedule interviews. I am not sure what positions are available though; the one you mentioned does not seem familiar."

THEN WHY ARE YOU POSTING IT ON YOUR WEBSITE?!?!?!



Here's another conversation I have had recently:

"Hello. I saw from your website that you have open positions at your school. Would you please tell me what grades are available?"

"Well, all sorts of grades."

"I see. Primary, Intermediate, Upper?"

"My principal only wants us to state that we are accepting resumes for all positions and that everyone is welcome to apply."

"Thank you for your time."


*Facepalm* I am asking for a reason other than to satisfy my general curiosity, you know. There is a BIG difference between a kindergarten or a first grade position and a fifth or sixth grade position. If it is a primary position I am not going to waste my time or yours applying for it because I have no skills when it comes to working with that age group. Just give me an answer please so we can all get on with our lives.


Then of course you have the people to whom you email your resume and they never even bother to confirm that they received it. I do not care how many emails you receive a day, give the simple courtesy of stating that you have received my resume. That is all I am asking!*

On top of that are the general worries and concerns that are taking place as the school year winds down. I am certainly ready for summer vacation to begin.


*I will say that not every school has done this - three of them were very courteous.

Stop the Madness!

As school is finishing up and I am searching for teaching positions, I am finding that there are just not enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. I have tons of papers that need to be graded, laundry, applications to be filled out, resumes to send off . . . the list seems to extend forever! Oh, and then there is grad school, but that is a whole different can o' worms.

Thank goodness that we have a three-day weekend.

To Thine Own Self Be True*

Like most people, while I was growing up I never quite knew who I was. I flitted from group to group, searching for one that fit "me". Though I was accepted by most, no one group in middle school or high school ever helped me to define myself. The one thing I hated though was conforming to another's standards. I never wore make-up or cared overly about clothes and my hair (other than to make sure they were clean). I said what I thought, even if it went against the rest of the tide. I was who I was.

- - - - - -

When I was twenty, I developed a crush on a friend of a friend. We'd chit the chat, goof around - the usual. One day my friend called and we began discussing the object of my lust undying love. She told me that they had actually *gasp* been having a conversation about me the other night and that he paid me a compliment. Giddiness enveloped me: Was I cute? Intelligent? A good conversationalist? No, my friend replied, better than that. He told her that I was "true". I was heartbroken; after all, what kind of compliment was that? It was only after I had thought about it for a few minutes that I really smiled. It was the best kind of compliment.

- - - - - -

I recently reread The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. While overall I disagree with her philosophy of objectivism, there is one thing that impresses me about it: do not forsake something because it goes against the tide, for in that you are sacrificing a part of yourself that can never be retrieved.

- - - - - -

To this day, I try to honest about myself and my actions, even if it causes me pain, for if nothing else I have not betrayed myself. It is only when I do that, that I feel truly damned.






*While Polonius could be an intruding fool, I do believe that these words are solid advice. Also, the quote is found at 1:15.

Les Poissons

I just ate a scrumdiddlyumptious dinner: salad greens with onions, shredded parmesan / asiago blend cheese, a few teaspoons of vinaigrette dressing, and some salmon on top. Yum!

I love fish way too much to ever become a full vegetarian. Pescatarianism rocks!

3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

The countdown until the end of school has begun. With June right around the corner, my kiddies are bouncing off the walls and there are special programs galore. I do my best to keep my temper and go with the flow, but sometimes it is too much. They usually know when they have pushed me too far because my face takes on "The Look" and I make sure they understand that I am not joking when I say there will be consequences if their actions continue. Thankfully, that usually curtails the uber-silliness.

Unfortunately, the count down also means that summer grad classes are headed my way as well. Summer classes start next Monday and I will be going all . . . summer . . . long. The only thing that manages to keep my spirits up is that August equals the finish line -- huzzah!

Not much of an update, I know. Most of what is going on in life right now is petty work stuff that is not appropriate for my blag. I do have some big news in the works though, so once things are settled I'll be able to share that as well.

An Unknowing Choice

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, you know about my past issues. I won't go into them. Recently I broke it off with the therapist I had been seeing off and on for awhile.

One of the main reasons I ended it was that I was not able to be open with her about everything because there was a part of me that wanted a different type of relationship with her, one other than therapist/client. Not necessarily one as friends, but possibly more of a mentor relationship. Knowing what I know about the profession, I knew that once I crossed that line it would be virtually impossible to go back. What I did not realize though is that possibility ended the first time I entered her office.

There are a lot of complexities behind all of this, too many to explain, really, but it all comes down to one thing: I would have never entered into the relationship had I had any idea of what could have been under different circumstances. Because, unfortunately, this seems like a case of "what is done, is done and cannot be undone" and it hurts. It hurts very much.

The last paragraph of this article from Psychology Today sums it up completely.

Gather Us into a New Beginning

All of my old posts are deleted - *poof*. I could rhapsodize about it all, but I will not. Instead, I'll provide lyrics to a song that expresses it. It is a Christian song so (obviously) it is about God; however, you can take a secular meaning from it as well. Enjoy.

P.S. No, this is not my church.




"Gather Us In"

Here in this place new light is streaming, now is the darkness vanished away;
See in this space our fears and our dreamings brought here to you in the light of this day.
Gather us in, the lost and forsaken, gather us in, the blind and the lame;
Call to us now, and we shall awaken, we shall arise at the sound of our name.

We are the young, our lives are a myst'ry, we are the old who yearn for your face;
We have been sung throughout all of hist'ry, called to be light to the whole human race.
Gather us in, the rich and the haughty, gather us in, the proud and the strong;
Give us a heart, so meek and so lowly, give us the courage to enter the song.

Here we will take the wine and the water, here we will take the bread of new birth,
Here you shall call your sons and your daughters, call us anew to be salt for the earth.
Give us to drink the wine of compassion, give us to eat the bread that is you;
Nourish us well, and teach us to fashion lives that are holy and hearts that are true.

Not in the dark of buildings confining, not in some heaven, light years away -
Here in this place the new light is shining, now is the kingdom, and now is the day.
Gather us in and hold us forever, gather us in and make us your own;
Gather us in, all peoples together, fire of love in our flesh and our bone.