More than Pachabel or Mendelsohn

When I saw the first thirty seconds of this video I cynically thought, "How typical in this day and age."

Then I kept watching out of curiosity. By the time it hit two minutes I started thinking, "Geez, I'm not sure I could ever do that."

Then at two minutes, forty-five seconds my thoughts were, "What a great set of friends who would do this for them and . . . what the . . . awww, the groom! He looks so confident up there, confident and ready for his wife-to-be."

Of course, there was a short musical interlude where the dancing died down some and I wondered, "What would the bride do coming down the aisle? Would the song finish out and she would do the traditional march?"

My questions were answered around the four minute mark when the bride smiled and danced-hopped halfway down the aisle, to be accompanied in matching steps by the groom the rest of the way. By now, I had really misted up because there was something fresh here, that these two people were going into marriage with joyful hearts and minds, eagerly looking forward to their future.

And finally, as the clip concluded, all that was in my mind was that if any two people had the chance of making it, these two did. Do not ask me why, but I just felt that they will. I hope my prediction comes true.


P.S. The owner of this video posted it last Saturday, the 19th. Since then there have been over seven million hits on YouTube and viewers have left over thirty-seven thousand comments, the vast majority positive. Obviously this video appealed to more people than myself.

P.P.S. Look here and here and here (and everywhere else!) to read articles about this clip.

The Countdown Begins

Soon I will officially have my degree.

Soon school will begin.

Soon we will be back into a solid routine.

Soon I will find out the results of the tests I had done.

Soon I will undergo more tests.



Soon, soon, soon.

More on Pain

Right now I ache so much I do not know whether to cry or scream. Deep, throbbing, consistent. Minute after minute, hour after hour -- you get the picture.

Time to go move around a bit and distract myself from it.

To the Pain

My muscles and joints are aching quite badly today and I am not sure what to do any more. I can see how people who have persistent pain can have trouble functioning; to me, this is worse than depression. I keep moving since nothing seems to help it, but at the same time I want to sob in frustration. Add that to the constant anxiety I have been feeling for the past few months and . . . well, it's not fun. I see my neurologist in early August and even though this is not her area, maybe she will have some guidance for me.

Quotes from More, Now, Again

"Because I really don't have a drug problem - I think I have a life problem . . . But I'm on strike from life . . . Fix it. That's what I wish someone would do. Fix life and I will live again" (66-67).

"When you're in trouble and disgusted and disengaged, sometimes only the comfort of strangers is available. The only confidant you can handle is someone peripheral to your life" (101).

"He doesn't. But he does insist on conversation. Goddamn it! Why can't people just do what I want them to do and be gone? It's a worldwide conspiracy to make me be polite when I don't want to be. When I can't be. Wow! The most strenuous thing I need to do with my day is just pull out a little bit of courtesy, and I hate it" (133).

-- Elizabeth Wurtzel, More, Now, Again: A Memoir of Addiction


ETA: I am not a drug user; the quotes just stood out to me.

- - - - - - - -

I saw my PCP and the results on one of my tests was even higher than before, though it could be from my recent ear infection. I asked him if he wanted to repeat it since it was invalid and he said it was just an indicator, not a diagnostic test so it was not necessary. Huh. Seems to me that if a value on the second test was significantly higher than on the first test (which was elevated anyway), that you would want to repeat just to make sure. Truly, he did not seem to care much about my joint and muscle aches.

He did ask about being depressed though, even though he knew my past history. I lied and said I was okay. Later I asked what happens when someone says they are not okay and are considering suicide. The answer? They would be booked under the local mental health act as a danger to themselves and shipped off to the inpatient unit 45 minutes away. Yes, because *that* is going to make someone feel less depressed, riiiight. Yet another reason I keep my own counsel.

Sanctuary

I have grown weary of battling with myself; I wish one side would destroy the other so that I knew which one to claim the victor. This tug-of-war nonsense drains all energy from me.

Amusing Lines about Mental Illness

"I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had an absolute belief that I should handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse" (55).


-- Kay Redfield Jamison, An Unquiet Mind

Time Flies

My last post was Tuesday? It seems like it was Thursday or Friday. I'm not quite sure where the time is going because I do not seem that busy.

For the first time in several years, it appears that I have nothing to write about in my journal. I would say I am on hiatus, except I've already been doing that. Truly, I am not sure what I am going to do with this journal.

Alive and Dreaming or Dead and Remembering?

This video sums up a lot of what I feel . . .

ALL REQUIREMENTS IDENTIFIED BELOW HAVE BEEN MET

This is what my degree audit says! Do you know what this means? Do you, do you?


I am graduating this summer!!!!!