Bone Weary

I am bone weary this week, doing my best to stay active, to stay awake. Today I finally succumbed - unknowingly - to a nap. While it felt good to rest my body, I am now only somewhat energized.

Sometimes I think about my fatigue as a piece of corrugated cardboard. You have the thin top layer that holds it all together, that makes everything okay. Beneath it though is that more dense layer which makes up the bulk of the cardboard. They fit together seamlessly, but if the top part goes there is a mottled mess underneath.

I am always prone to fatigue, but the constant battles with pain and injury have made it worse. Everything takes twice as much effort and about 5x as long. Trips to the store have to be planned out well in advance - there is no "just going to run in for a moment" now. Housework is done in stages, meaning that just about the time I have completely finished with all of the tasks each week it is time to start over. This used to just happen with laundry, but now it is everything.

And unfortunately, because of the wall of fatigue that has hit lately combined with the stress, my migraines have returned. Every day's headache is a continuation of the day before until they all bleed together. Sometimes I pray for the pain to stop coming in waves, for it to either abate full or to come on full force without let up. Maybe then I could feel justified in skivvying off of work and neglected my duties. Until then though . . .